The Addams' world tour of Europe
by Cousin Turncoat
Summary: Addams Family. The Addams Family embarks on yet another crazy adventure around the world. Rated for sexual references and possible violence. May include random crossovers with characters from other books, movies, tv etc.


A few notes from the author

A few notes from the author

1. I'm not exactly quite sure what inspired me to write this. One night me and my friend were talking about how Gomez would be the perfect husband, and then this idea came to me.

2. The following fan fiction is based on the Addams Family TV series1960s. Although I do love all the versions of The Addams Family Except one particular movie in the late 1990's that shall remain nameless., The TV show is my personal favourite.

3. I'd like to thank my friend, Ella, who helped me by being my editor, grammar advisor, and idea monkey.

4. The Uzbekistan references are personal jokes.

5. I'm not sure about which direction this story will go in. One chapter may contain absolutely absurd, sexualized humour, while the next might contain dramatic, yet innocent twists.

6. I am Australian. I will use Australian English. I will assure you though that I will not have The Addams Family characters spouting off slang words.

7. Please ignore the grammar mistakes. I am only 14 and I still have many years of English lessons to go.

Enjoy!

Chapter One

It was an exquisitely dark and gloomy day at the Addams Family mansion. The vultures were singing, spiders were spinning and beautiful grey clouds covered the sky; not a trace of that obnoxious sun in sight. On this delightful day Gomez Addams was in his living room, enthralled by the stock market.

"Gadzooks! Consolidated Fuzz is up to 125."

Morticia Addams looked up from her knitting.

"And what did you pay for it dear?"

"303."

Gomez pulled himself away from his tickertape machine, sat down next to his wife, and pulled a lit cigar from his pocket.

"What's that you're knitting, my dear?" the eccentric asked as he puffed away on said cigar.

"A pair of mittens for Cousin Crypt. What do you think?" Morticia held out a pair of pink mittens, one of them with 7 digits, the other with just one. Gomez took the mittens from his beloved and inspected them.

"Cara Mia. The talent in those beautiful hands of yours is impeccable!"

"Bubele." Morticia replied with adoration.

With no other thought in his mind, Gomez leapt from his seat, grabbed Morticia's hand and began passionately kissing her up the arm.

"Oh Tish, you know what that name does to me!"

Morticia, as any woman would, appreciated the attention her husband lavished upon her, however she was a sensible one. Her darling Gomez wanted to show his love for her, anytime, anywhere. She was pleased, that after 13 years of marriage, he was still passionate about her; however Morticia preferred to show her affections in more… intimate places.

"Gomez, dear. Not now. The children will be home from school any minute."

Gomez reluctantly tore himself away from Morticia's shoulder and pulled another lit cigar from his pocket. Suddenly a loud siren echoed its way around the house. Morticia, who had just poured herself a cup of tea, looked up.

"Mails in."

The Addams' pet/servant/hand-in-a-box, Thing emerged from his box and gave a handful (A/N: no pun intended.) of envelopes, presumably with letters inside them, to Morticia, who took them gratefully.

"Thank you, Thing."

Morticia shuffled through the mail and caught sight of a familiar name.

"Gomez dear, we're still getting poor Mr. Occupant's mail."

"That incompetent postal service! We'll have to send them back."

Morticia continued looking through the mail.

"Bill….Bill…Bill…Jury Duty for Uncle Fester...Gothic Home magazine…Design your own tombstone…School notice…Ahhh, It's a letter from my dear cousin Deliria in Uzbekistan."

Gomez was surprised. "Deliria? She hasn't written to us in years! What's she up to?"

Morticia scanned the letter "She says she's getting married and she wants our whole family to come to the wedding in Uzbekistan."

Gomez laughed derisively. "Not to be mean Morticia, but anyone who'd marry your cousin Deliria must be blind." He replaced his cigar back into his pocket where it went out instantly. "Rosy cheeks, tanned skin; those golden curls alone must be enough to drive any man to some far off country."

"Yes, I believe that's why Deliria went to Uzbekistan in the first place. Darling, Deliria may not be the most attractive girl in the world, but she is still family. We must go to the wedding."

"How right you are, querida. After all, not everyone can have beautiful pitch black hair and as gorgeous a deathly pallor as your own." Gomez starred into his wife's eyes and lifted her hand up to his mouth and kissed it, romantically and passionately. This time she complied and allowed him to continue.

"Darling…"

"Mother! Father!"

Unfortunately at that very moment, the ardent, connubial couple's children, Wednesday, and Pugsley, came through the door, home from the old brain factory. Gomez and Morticia hastily dropped their compromising position, though they were not quick enough. Wednesday, being the ever curious little girl that she was, had to ask questions.

"Father? Why are you down there?"

"We were playing a game."

"Around mother's waist?"

"I was… pulling her down with me."

"To do what?"

"To play a game."

"What game?"

"….Chess."

"Why isn't the chess set on the floor?"

"So what did you do at school?"

Pugsley proudly held up a piece of paper. "I flunked a spelling test."

"Dear Pugsley, there is so much hope for you." Morticia took the test in her hands and gazed at it adoringly. "And you, Wednesday?"

Wednesday looked down sadly. "Our teacher read us Hansel and Gretel today."

Gomez was shocked and angered. "After we sent in all of those complaint letters."

"Gomez dear, calm down. It was probably the post office's fault, they're getting everyone's post mixed up nowadays!" Morticia stroked her husbands shoulder and addressed her children.

"We have wonderful news. We have received a wedding invitation from Cousin Deliria."

"Who?" the children said in unison.

"You don't know her. She ran off to Uzbekistan before you were born." Gomez answered. "Lucky…"

"Gomez!" Morticia gave a warning glance at her spouse before continuing. "Anyway Deliria has invited us all to her wedding in Uzbekistan."

Gomez had a lightbulb moment. "Morticia! We haven't had a family holiday in such a long time, why don't we go all around Europe before heading to the wedding."

"But darling, Uzbekistan is in Asia."

"We'll go there too!"

Morticia sighed dreamily. "So logical…"

Gomez pulled on a noose that was hanging nearby. It produced a loud gong sound that shook the entire house. The Addams' manservant, Lurch appeared out of nowhere.

"You rang?" he asked.

"Yes Lurch, prepare the luggage. THE ADDAMS' ARE GOING TO EUROPE!"

Please tell me what you think.


End file.
